7 Magical Ways To Make A Woman Feel Like You Were The Most Wonderful Mate She Could Ever Imagine

7 Magical Ways To Make A Woman Feel Like You Were The Most Wonderful Mate She Could Ever Imagine" By Cucan Pemo
When you know that you have found the perfect woman for you, you want to make sure that she feels the same way. You want her to be as happy with you as you are with her. In order to do this, you may want to figure out a way to make her know and understand that she has the most perfect mate for her. You will want to know what to say to her to make her realize that she has found her true love.
Say what is important to her
The first thing that you want to do is find out what is important to her. Find out if she wants her man to coddle of her or give her more freedom. You do not want to seem too overbearing and crowd her. Tell her that she is important to you and that you want to make sure that she has what she needs. This is something that will make her feel good and know that you are the perfect mate for her.
Tell her that she looks nice
The most important thing that a woman wants to hear is that she looks good. No matter where you are going or if you are sitting on the couch watching TV, you need to compliment her and tell her how wonderful she looks. This is the only way that you will be able to make her know and understand that you think she is a beautiful woman and she will think you are the most perfect mate in the world.
Ask her if she needs anything
This is something that a lot of men forget to do. It is important that we take care of the woman in our lives as she takes care of us. When we get up to get a drink, ask her if she needs anything. You are going to the kitchen anyway, so what is the big deal? On your way home at night, ask her if you can bring her anything. This is a great way for a woman to know that you are sincere and quite possibly the most perfect man in the world for her.

I love you
These are the three little words that mean the most. When a woman is in love, it is important for her to know that the man she is in love with feels the same. If you do, you should make it known. Women love this. You should tell the woman of your dreams that you love her when she is least expecting it. Tell her in the middle of a movie, on the way to dinner or on an unexpected phone call from work. This will make a woman feel good and happy with their choice for the perfect man.
Romance her
Do not be afraid to talk sweet nothings into her ear. Make the woman feel good by saying sweet and romantic things to her at any given time. You can say them when you are having a romantic dinner together or you can say them in a passionate moment. These words will make her heart flutter and she will know that she is in love.
Ask her how she is feeling
This is something that is hard for any man to do. Asking a woman to share her feelings with them is not always easy. In fact this is something that can totally be hard for a man to do. However, if you find a woman that is perfect for you and you want to make her feel the same about you, you may have to suck it up a little. Sharing feelings with a woman is one way to ensure that the relationship is going in a good direction that both people can feel comfortable with.
Be honest with her
When you want to impress a woman, you will have to be honest with her. Make sure that you are telling her the truth about what you want and how you feel. Tell her that you love her and that you think she is perfect for you. Sharing how you feel and that you want to be with her may be a great idea to bring the both of you closer. Tell her when you will be late and what you are doing. Do not keep secrets. This is some thing that most women will really appreciate and that a lot of men do not do in a relationship. When she knows that you are devoted to her, she will probably feel the same way and she will know that she has the right man to spend the rest of her life with.
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10 Secret Techniques To Make Your Partner Want To Have More Sex With You

10 Secret Techniques To Make Your Partner Want To Have More Sex With YouBy Cucan Pemo
A relationship is very involved, both on the physical and the intimate levels. One person may feel the need to cuddle (such as your woman) while you on the other hand, don’t want to be too close after you are relaxed, and feeling completely satisfied.
What you are going to find is that there are many things that are going to make your partner want to have more sex with you, and sometimes you are going to have to give a little, so you can get a lot more back in return.

1) Think about sex, and tell her you are thinking about sex, even if it is over the phone What you may not realize is that women are going to think about sex more than you want to realize. A woman is going think about how you talked to her, how you kissed her, and how you rubbed your whiskers on her cheek the night before. Your partner is going to want to have more sex, the more they are thinking about sex, and the more often you tell her that she is sexy. Make an intimate call. Tell your partner all about what you want to do to her, and how you want to do it, and then let her think about that all day until she gets to see you again!

2) Spending a few minutes alone, in the dark, as you listen to musicYou might find it a little boring, but sometimes all you need to do, to get more sex in your life is feel a little closer, to put the hurried portions of the day behind you and just listen to a little music. Not many couples sit back, relax and just listen to music. Sometimes music is going to be very sexy, putting you or your partner, or both of you in the mood at the same time. Instead of just climbing into bed, and watching the news or the late show, you should turn on a bit of your favorite music and sit close with your partner.

3) Take a shower before you come and cuddle up close to your partner Women are often turned on by the smell of cologne, or by the smell of soap. In taking a shower every night before you climb into bed, no matter how tired you are, you are creating a memory in her mind, of the clean smell she loves the most. Use this smell and the need to be close to you for your own advantage, so you can have more sex, more often. Sexual attractions are very strong, and if you are not using your natural abilities to attract your partner, you very well could be losing out on a good bit of good sex.

4) Baby your partner for a while, stroking, petting and being beside her Don’t be afraid to play around and lick her neck. The worst thing that could happen is you fall asleep in each others arms, and you get a little more sex in the morning when she is refreshed from a good nights sleep – because she will remember what you want and what you felt like when she fell asleep in your arms. You will get more in the morning as she is sleeping well at night!

5) Don’t be passing gas or burping before you climb into bed You don’t want to be the man in front of your partner. She doesn’t want to see, hear or smell anything like that; it is not going to be a turn on. If you want to have more sex in your life, and bring your relationship closer as you are more intimate more often, pass on the beans, pass on the garlic, and be sweet smelling, and loveable – she will cuddle right up next to you more often!

6) Bring her a glass of wine at bedtime, and leave the lights on low You might not realize it but all she wants is a little time, just five minutes to unwind and your partner will be ready for a little alone time with you. Bring her a glass of wine, tea, or just water as she unwinds and gets ready for bed. You will be thoughtful and insightful and she will remember these small things as you reach over and kiss her. Your partner just loves being the center of attention and this doesn’t take much added energy at all on your part so you should give it a try!

7) Offer her a quick massage, nothing fancy or too long, just a brief rub down You might not realize it, but the feel of your hands, on her back, and on her chest is going to make a woman feel good. If you want to put more sex into your relationship, you should show your partner a little foreplay, a little extra care. A woman is going to be turned on as you touch the small of her back, the inside of her breast – and why? Because no one ever touches her in those places except for you, and with this touch you are going to excite her more often, showing her that you are intimate and that you want to pleasure her every need. You don’t even have to rub her hard, or touch her that long, just the soft gentle touches that show you are close to her will relay the message quite clearly.

8) Get in the shower with her, and let her see your hard on She likes to get in the shower and take a good long hot shower, and this is your opportunity to get in on the action. Slide into the shower, and rub her down with the soap. As you lather her up, rub up against her and let her feel how hard you are. You don’t have to have sex in the shower, just put her in the mood so she will be turned on and looking for action when she gets out of the shower. You surely already know what cologne is going to drive her crazy, so if you were to shower and put a little on, she is going to get turned on, and want you, even if she doesn’t consciously know it. Taking a shower is not only going to freshen you up, but it is going to wake you up and your partner at the same time.

9) Talk sweetly and quietly so you don’t wake the children The little things you say will get you a long way when it comes to getting more sex. If you tell your partner just how much you love her, how pretty she is, or how much you feel that she is a special part of your day, the better she is going to feel about your relationship. As she feels sexier, she is going to want you more. As she feels happier, she is going to offer herself to you more often. You can get a long way with a partner when you are whispering goodies in her ear, and all without waking the children!

10) Don’t just jump in bed, but slide into bed close to your partner and be next to her Slide into bed; slide right next to your partner. Jumping into bed, and making a ruckus is going to make your presence known but you are also going to annoy your partner a little more often. You want to be comfortable, and make your partner comfortable, so carefully climb into bed and get close. As you are sitting close with your partner, stroking her skin, and feeling her next to you, both of your are going to be more aroused. You will feel closer to each other and you will end up having sex more often. You can make this a habit, and when you see she is in bed with the music on, you are going to be in for a bit of sex again tonight. The trick here is to make it too bed, and not to sleep on the couch or on the recliner in the living room.
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Understanding Addictions In Relationship: What To Do If Your Partner Is An Alcoholic Addict?

Understanding Addictions In Relationship: What To Do If Your Partner Is An Alcoholic Addict?By Cucan Pemo

There is no relationship that can breed more frustration and unhappiness than a relationship where one of the partners is an alcoholic. Such a relationship will be marked by constant arguments, financial turmoil, emotional blackmail and even physical abuse. It is a relationship where one partner is always at the receiving end, and lives on the hope that the addict will kick the habit one day.

What to expect in such relationships
These relationships can only bring unhappiness. There is bound to be loneliness, despair, and at times rage at what the addict is doing. There will also be constant confrontations. But these confrontations instead of driving the couple apart, often unite them.

This happens because of the helplessness displayed by addicts. The addicts break down at such confrontations pleading helplessness and beg support. They also make promises of moving away from the addiction, and never to hit the bottle again. It is this helplessness that pushes the other partner to provide the necessary emotional support. Unfortunately, this cycle of support-confrontation-support keeps getting vicious and vicious only.

Why can’t individuals break out of such cycles
Most would think that there is enough reason for a suffering mate to walk out of such a relationship. But this does not always happen. The partners invariably find a reason to stay on. This may be on account of fear of a future without financial security, an obsessive love for the mate, a fear of public disapproval or the need to keep the family together.

Sometimes the partners convince themselves that without them the addict will die. They therefore avoid doing anything that may hurt the addict. Some even convince themselves, that they alone can help the addict give up the bottle.

Whatever the reason, the partners convince themselves that they need to stay on, and that everything will be fine one day. The addicts make full use of such prevarication, and indulge in more emotional blackmail, and subtle arm-twisting.

How to identify if you are such a person
You are in danger of entering into such a relationship if you show the following characteristics:

You refuse to end the relationship even though you know that the relationship is bad for you, your career and your personal life.
You find reasons for sustaining the relationship even though you know that your logic is convoluted.
The thought of breaking the relationship throws you in a state of confusion, even panic, and you cling on, even more strongly, to it.
You suffer physical discomfort when you try to move to a place where your mate can’t reach you, and you yearn to get back to him.

What should you do to save the relationship
You first need to strengthen yourself. In this quest, you should not allow your morals or principles to weaken your resolve. Be ruthless in dealing with the addict. Treat addiction as a disease that needs to be cured. Don’t give in to emotional blackmail because then you will only end up feeding the disease.

Look upon yourself as an equal partner in the relationship. Don’t be manipulated into believing that you are the rescuer or a victim of an unfortunate relationship. Let the addict know that you have no desire to become a martyr for his cause. You must make sure that you do not accept the lies offered by the addict. As any psychologist will tell you, addicts are very adept at coming up with explanations that sound very convincing. This is how they delude themselves into continuing with their addiction, and forcing their loved ones into becoming unwitting partners in their addiction game.

You need to find a support group that understands your pains and sorrows, and can also help you overcome them. You will realize that you were blundering in a maze in your effort to salvage the relationship. The support group will show you the path to come out of the emotional maze that your subconscious mind has built, and also give you the strength to take that path.

You should even consider getting professional help. This may sound shocking to you initially because it is not you but your addict mate who needs professional help. But counseling can come in very useful in such a situation. It will give you the necessary emotional and mental strength to tackle the relationship blues.

Don’t stumble from crisis to crisis
You must give yourself sufficient time to either salvage the relationship or get out of it. Don’t become a slave of the addict because it will only suck you deeper and deeper into a world of unhappiness.

If you realize that you can’t change your mate then you must walk out of the relationship, however painful your action may be. You should feel no guilt or remorse because you gave the relationship the best shot possible. Thus, before you make your final decision, make sure you have tried all possible methods and ways to remedy the situation.

Now it is time for you to rebuild your life.
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Men! How to Break The Insidious Cycle of Relationship Failure

Men! How to Break The Insidious Cycle of Relationship Failure By Cucan Pemo

It takes a long time to build a relationship. But it does not take long to destroy it. In fact, the cycle of failure needs no pushing; it gathers its own momentum. And once it does so, it becomes very difficult to stop it or put it in reverse gear.

The important thing is to stop the cycle of failure from moving on its own. This can only be done if the two partners realize what’s happening. One of them has to step forward, and stop the relationship from cracking.

Often it is men who are responsible for the emerging cracks in a relationship. This happens when they are overambitious or move up the ladder. They get so obsessed with their work that they forget their spouses. The distances increase, and a rift develops.

A relationship may also get affected if the man enters into another relationship. By doing so, he only makes life difficult for himself. The more he tries to hide his new relationship the more he complicates things.

There may be several other reasons for relationship failure but their effect invariably is the same.

Early signs of relationship failure

The first signs of a relationship that is in trouble are:

Man spending less time with his partner
A sharp spurt in arguments and quarrels over inconsequential issues
A gradual erosion of trust in each other
Sharp drop in lovemaking and sex life
Both start finding fault in each other.

How can men transform a breaking relationship

It is important for men to notice the growing signs of rift and disaffection. They cannot continue to live in their own world and allow a loving relationship to fall apart. The best is to act early and limit the damage.

This requires some introspection. The men first need to understand why the relationship has run into rough weather. Why is it that their spouse has become so touchy? Is it because they have started taking their spouse for granted? This happens in most relationships. The man gets so involved in his work that he forgets that his spouse altogether.

Things reach such a pass that a man has to make notes in his appointment diary of the lunch or dinner dates he needs to keep free for his wife. The spontaeniety that first characterized their relationship vanishes. The wife has to wait for her husband to find time for her. This leads to first boredom, then anger and then depression. In some cases, it may even force women to find another relationship that can keep them occupied. The man must act before this happens.

The cancer of suspicion
In many cases the relationship is torn by suspicion. The woman may have reason to believe that her man is carrying on with someone else. In some cases, it may only be suspicion. But in some cases, a flirtation can become a dangerous extra-marital relationship.

The man has to assure his wife that there is no other woman in his life. He cannot allow an extra-marital affair to come in the way of a long and happy relationship. He has to break off any ties that he may have developed if he has to save his relationship.

He will also have to show remorse at what he did. He will have to bend and beg forgiveness. More than that, he will have to assure his wife that this will not happen again. He will be lucky if he is forgiven. He can surely anticipate the chill to continue for some more time. It is for him to ensure that he wins his wife’s affection again.

In case, the chill is the result of suspicion alone then the man must demand an explanation. However, he should do with finesse. There is no reason why he should put his wife on the back foot. He is not settling scores or avenging a hurt. He is trying to rebuild trust in the relationship. He therefore needs to clear the air of any misgivings that his wife may have started entertaining. At the same time, he must start devoting more time to her.

Don’t forget respect
No relationship can be complete unless both the partners trust each other. They also need to treat each other with respect. In fact, mutual respect is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship. Any man who runs his woman down can never expect the relationship to last.

The man must create space within which the woman must feel comfortable. She must not be made to feel small in front of friends or children. The man must convey his points deftly without hurting a woman’s pride. He must also listen to her with full courtesy and seriousness. This alone can save many a relationship.

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Dealing With A Cold And Distanced Man: What To Do If HE Is Shutting Down?

"Dealing With A Cold And Distanced Man: What To Do If HE Is Shutting Down?"By Cucan Pemo
A couple, as man and woman, will share feelings and each other constantly during a relationship. Often times a man can become self centered, distant and uninterested in what you do or how you are. The man who is distant can make a woman feel uneasy about herself, un-needed, unwanted and often times self conscience as you second guess what you are doing all the time.

So why is your man shutting down emotionally and pushing you further from the relationship than you are comfortable with? You will notice the difference right away, as he doesn’t hold your hand, as he isn’t calling you often, and even moments where he is not looking at you but past you while you are out on the town. The man needs to feel as if he is the center of attention. This doesn’t mean you have to become his love slave, or be at his beck and call, but you have to learn to make the man feel as if he is the center of your universe using your actions and reactions to the relationship.

The main reason men shut women out and become distant is because they are afraid.

Yes, the reason may surprise you but it is a well known fact that men who are afraid of becoming too dependent, too needy will push a woman back and put some distance between the two of you. A man can feel as if he loves you, but at the same time, is afraid of the commitment, afraid of becoming needed and wanted, where you will expect more of the relationship. The man who is afraid of a relationship is going to put some amount of emotional distance in the relationship, and this will be the distance you feel.

Another reason men put distance in the relationship is because they feel overwhelmed by need
What many women are surprised about, and no man is going to admit, is they will become distant in a relationship because they feel too needed, and you or the family is too demanding. A man must feel a little freedom in his life, where he feels important and able to be himself with out always doing something for you or because of you. While it is hard to change, you can cut the distance in your relationship by helping your man feel a little more freedom and at ease in his life.

The cure is easy for the distance in a relationship such as this; allow his to enjoy his life. As a man enjoys his life, he will find he also needs you there to share in his joys, and accomplishments. The added freedom could be that he loves watching football, or loves being at the baseball field, or that he loves coaching youth teams. Giving him the time to enjoy his own past times and hobbies is going to give him the freedom in his life that every man needs. He will ultimately feel good about himself, and where he is in life, and in turn will want to share more with you, and be closer to you because of it.

Think about the many things you do, say and how you ‘are’ that may lead to your man being distant emotionally. Are you putting too much pressure on the relationship as you say you ‘love him’ all the time, or that you ‘need him’ all the time. You, as the woman, need to back off on the telling him all the emotions in your life, and focus only on showing him how much you love him. Showing a person, a man, how much you love him is going to be much more valuable in the relationship than actually saying it aloud all the time.

For example, if he is leaving a business trip for a few days, show him you love him by putting something in his suitcase that will remind him of you while he is away. Just a little note, with a heart, and no words, no written message, just the hidden message of your love he will find at a later date. Calling your man and telling him you love him every five hours while he is away is going to put pressure on the relationship he may not need, want, or have the time to tend to while he is away on business.

So, what can you do to keep the relationship alive?

Keeping the relationship alive is going to be much easier than you might have thought before. As a woman, you are constantly working and tending to the needs of your relationship. To keep the relationship alive you want to show the man how you feel instead of saying it aloud all the time. Make him coffee in the morning, or make his lunch before he leaves every day, your actions speak louder than words in many cases.

Keep the relationship alive by taking the time to make his favorite meal, or do your hair in the way he loves most. Keep the relationship alive by putting on sexy perfume even when you are sitting around the house. A man needs to feel you love him, but without having to hear it all the time.
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Women! How To Bring Back An Ex Who Is Cheating On You?

"Women! How To Bring Back An Ex Who Is Cheating On You?"By Cucan Pemo
You have recently found out that the man you love is cheating on you. The word cheating doesn’t always mean the act of having sex, but it could be a dependency on seeing another woman, the need to hear her voice, a need to please her. So, you have caught him in the act of cheating on you, and now you want to bring him back into your life. Can you really learn to forgive him for straying from your heart? This is a tough question only few women are going to be able to answer truthfully.

You can bring back the man who is cheating on you, no matter how far the cheating has went, and no matter how bad the hurt is really inside your heart. The trick to bringing back a man is to think back to a point in your life together, that will show you what he loves the most. Does he have to be babied all the time? Does he want supper on the table at a certain hour?

Does your ex feel that he should be making the money in the home? On the other hand, perhaps you have always given your complete attention to this man? While you want to bring back the man you love, and change his ways there are a few things you will have to change as well to bring him back and keep him. You can be sneaky or just outright changed, but it will depend on how much you want this man back in your life.

What Should You Do To Keep The Relationship?

You can be sneaky about the attack. If you feel certain you love this man, and you want him back find out where he will be and when he will be there as often as you can. Make it a point to be in the same places, and at the same parties. Get your hair done, your nails done, and be fun loving self. Talk to everyone in the room but him the entire night so he feels your presence but not your attention. As you are getting ready to leave for the night, be sure to say hello, and nothing more to your ex, but it is important to do it with a smile.

After a few ‘run ins’ like this on several different occasions you are going to be on his mind all the time which will lead him to want you more and more, until he calls you. The only way this sneaky method is going to work is if you are able to act as if nothing bothers you, avoid the fact he cheating, don’t talk about it with others in the room and more importantly don’t embarrass either of you by saying anything in public. Build his awareness of your creative sexiness, and availability without giving him the satisfaction of seeing you mope around. Be fun, loving, and sexy with every one in the room, as you make him notice you are a woman who can get by without him. Most men feel the urge to be in a woman’s life when they realize they are not needed, as strange as it may seem.

How Do You Decide It is Time To Leave The Relationship

The pain you feel every time you see your ex, no matter how much you love him is going to help you determine if it is time to leave him. If you feel you, need him back only because he left you, or that because his heart is not following yours own, it could be time to leave the cheater behind?

The pain you feel because you love a person, unconditionally is different from the pain you feel because you have been ‘dissed’. How can you tell the difference? If you feel angry because he is cheating, you are not truly missing him. If you want to hurt him, you are not truly in love with him. If you miss how he holds you, talks with you, or you miss how you spend time together just being together; you miss him and should think about taking the cheater back.

Should You Give Him A Chance?

The decision to let him go is going to be one that is difficult to make, but you can make it on your own. The feelings of anger, and embarrassment are going to be two feelings that are difficult to overcome. These feelings are going to put a roadblock in the relationship forever, as you can never rebuild the trust while these feelings are present. If you can’t get passed the anger, and the feeling of abandonment, you should leave him where he is with someone else. If you feel confident in yourself, and in your abilities to get by without the man, but you miss him in your life you should try to get him back.

The only real reason to give a man, who has cheated on you in some or in any manner, is going to be based on the fact of love, and not a need. If you need him to care for the children, if you need him to pay the bills, or if you need him for other materialistic things, you should leave him be, no matter how hard it is. If you want the man in your life, just because of the love, you have shared, and the memories you have built together, you should track him down and make him yours again.

Being together, as a couple for love no matter what else, is reason enough to track the man down and give him another chance – but overall you are going to have to sit back and do some serious thinking about the relationship before taking that leap. Find the difference between the need and the want and you will be able to confront yourself, making a solid choice for your life and the cheating man.
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If There Is Truly 'Love At First Sight', Why does Your Lover Strays?

"If There Is Truly 'Love At First Sight', Why does YourLover Strays?" By Cucan Pemo
When your relationship or marriage is going downhill, youhave to learn to take time to pause, ponder over yourrelationship circumstance, and look for solution instead ofmistakes.
Whatever you do, focus on holding tight to your partner'shand, so that he or she will not be beaten by thedestructive forces that are coming their way and hurting therelationship.
It is well for us to understand that genuine love is not asimple, definite feeling that can be easily comprehended andcontrolled.
It is a delicate compound of many of our most powerfultendencies and emotions. To love is not a simple orvoluntary act; it is a life of spontaneous, complex andcontinuous activities.
True love between man and woman may manifest itselfsuddenly, forcefully and almost simultaneously in theconsciousness of each. There is no doubt that many couplesmutually "fall in love at first sight." On the other hand,genuine love may be a matter of slow growth, requiringmonths to unfold and years to mature.
Some of the most delightful marriage unions known haveresulted from a slowly developing love. Some persons arevery susceptible to the charms of physical beauty or to theattractions of character, and immediately surrender to themwhen opportunity offers.
Others are slow to receive impressions, distrustful orappearances and cautious in all that pertains to soimportant a matter.
Many relationship cases of "love at first sight", withalmost an immediate marriage, have proven entirelyharmonious; but such spontaneous and rapid alliances arecomparatively rare, and more rarely satisfactory.
As a rule, it is much wiser for young couples, even thoughthey may feel irresistibly drawn toward each other, to meetmany times under various circumstances before concludingthat they are really so completely in love with each otheras to marry.
Frequent meetings, with opportunities for a careful study ofeach other's tastes and peculiarities, the inevitablefriction of mind with mind in repeated conversations, andsuch disclosures of principles, desires and habits as willinevitably result from repeated association and increasedknowledge of each other's ambitions and deepest longings.
For myself, the occasional accidental or prearrangedmeetings with my partner and long time friend, when aredeeply interested in each other and dreaming of love - thewalks and rides taken together, the public gatheringsattended in each other's company - all contribute not onlyto an increased knowledge of each other's character, butalso tend to harmonize and blend our tastes, principles,purposes.
When things went wrong, I often asked myself, "What exactlyhappened when he strays? What exactly contributed to ourconflicts when everything seemed to be going so well for us?What had I done to allow another person to come into ourlives so easily and quickly??"
I've come to a conclusion.
And my discoveries could well give you some insights whichyou can adopt and adapt to your own relationshipcircumstances.
I've discovered I myself cannot help but be attracted toanother person who can confirm my doubts, fears andsuspicions.
In fact, if there is one other person who can grab myattention and remove my focus away from my mate, this WILLbe a person who knows this unusual and little known secret.
You do not need to take a great deal of time to understandthis secret. In fact, it has often been used by leaders whocan persuade and motivate large masses of people. It couldalso have been used by one of your closest friends, on YOU!
Now, think about this, in your daily life, are you sayingall of these or behaving in these ways during yourinteraction with your partner/spouse:
~ When your mate claims that he (she) is tired, instead ofassessing the situation, do you immediately and impatientlyblame him/her for being lazy or inconsiderate?
~ When your mate expresses his/her fear of giving that bigpresentation for the company the next day, do you askhim/her to just get over it and work hard on polishing thespeech tonight?
~ When your partner complains to you about the unfairtreatment he/she is receiving from the vendor from whom hehas bought his ipod, do you say "serves you right for notlistening to my advice about buying from that vendor", or,do you say "well, he needs to do business", and then youproceed to give him some "moral" lessons which he can takeaway with him tonight?
I certainly have made all these mistakes.
By dismissing my partner's feelings, doubts, fears or evensuspicions, I leave myself (and my partner) vulnerable to myrivals who knowingly (or unknowingly) are able to make useof these simple principles.
Many parents too have made this mistake with their children,perhaps unknowingly. I remembered when I told my mother that"I'm scared of the test tomorrow"; she gave me a scolding,for not working hard for my test earlier. "You wouldn't feelunprepared and fearful if you had done your work!" was allshe could say.
Naturally, I found myself listening more to my friends andclassmates than to her. If I confided in my friends with thesame statement, they would tell me, "Look. It won't be easy.I'm not well prepared too. But, WE can do something aboutit!"
If you take some time to think about it, it wouldn't bedifficult to understand why I would listen more to myfriends than to my parents. I got the feeling "hey, we areon the same boat! YOU are the only one who understands me(my feelings!)"
My friends have more power over me than my parents. And allthe while my parents are puzzled why "I'm so disobedient!"
This also explains why people leave long term relationshipsand marriages for another person who are able to "understandthem" better than their current partners!
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How To Get Rid of Your Stale Relationship Once and For All!

"How To Get Rid of Your Stale Relationship Once and ForAll!" By Cucan Pemo
Is your relationship or marriage going downhill?
When you discover that your relationship has become staleand you always find it boring to even hang out with the loveof your life, it is a sure sign that you need to dosomething about your relationship. Do not be depressed aboutyour relationship circumstances or marriage situation. Tryapply the following strategies to rekindle the passion inthe relationship. These strategies can be so powerful andquick-acting that you would be amazed at the sudden, happyresults they unfailingly bring to your love problems.
1) There are couples who have reached the stage of "even ifthere is no communication, but we have reached a stage ofmutual understanding and appreciation of each other'spresence". Be aware! This does not guarantee that yourrelationship or marriage would be long lasting! Many of myreaders have had such experiences. All along they have beenthinking that their relationship life is so smooth going andobstacles-free, and when one day their lover come up to themand tell them they want to leave the relationship, they gotthe big shock of their life . Your relationship needs to beattended to every now and then, no matter how easy going andbrilliant everything seems to be at the moment.
As we surf through life, we are going to learn the lessonslife is going to throw at each and every one of us,including yourself and your partner. No one can guaranteethat the thoughts that you are holding dear and true toyourself (or even to your partner), will be the same thenext day. This is how we will grow, develop and improve. Itis normal that you have disagreements with each other oncein a while. In fact, it is healthy; and it can help you todevelop more understanding towards your partner. If you areconstantly having negative feelings about yourself, yourpartner or even your own relationship circumstance. Rememberthis fact, which has often been overlooked. Negative andunhappy feelings are caused by us, not by exteriorhappenings. Your life circumstance and events present thechallenge, but it is YOU who react to it. What you need todo is to work on the ways you handle things and take things,NOT to the things themselves.
2) In order to rekindle the passion and harmony in yourrelationship, returning it to the way it once is, you haveto learn how to regain your natural and spontaneous feelingfor life. Break focus. Concentrate not on your relationshipor marriage problems, but on becoming the solution. Yoursolution is often not how HE/SHE has changed, will changeinto, or is going to change into. The solution is YOU. Ifyou are sad about your relationship, what most of you wouldnormally do is to immediately take yourself as the feeling(of sadness). You think you are this "feeling", which youare not. And you would find yourself tend to double themistake by telling yourself, "I am unhappy. I am sad." Themore you say it, the sadder you feel; the sadder you feel,the more you'll say it. There, you have a vicious cycle.
3) Recall when you go for your first date, you are bubblingwith excitement and much anticipation. I know how it feels.It happens to me. I love that feeling, of initially fallingin love. As you go for more dates, and you understand eachother more and more, your anxiety and doubts about therelationship will reside.
You want to see more of each other. You have a stronginterest in developing this relationship and love further.You do everything you can to nurture it, and make sure thatit grows. When you have finally succeeded in settling downwith the love of your life, your wish of wanting to keepnourishing and nurturing this relationship subside. When youare starting to have this type of feeling, you have to nottake things for granted. Taking your relationship forgranted is often a sure way of growing your relationshipproblems. Put some heart and thoughts about bringing someexcitement and life into your relationship.
Always bear in mind, there is never an end to how far andhow much you can grow and develop your love and relationshipfor each other.
4) Drop your unrealistic expectations of the other person.True Love is not craving or attachment. When there iscraving involved, it is not genuine love. It is a secretwish to flee from your unwanted self into the other person.I have readers who have such strong cravings for anotherperson that they suffer the torment of missing him/herwhenever they are not around. Why suffer? Try to understandthat this is all unrealistic imagination of the otherperson, whoever they are .
It is your egoistic mind painting a false image of him/her.He (Her) is attractive, very likely because they represent aneed in you which you may or may not be aware of - all thosegood qualities such as strength, perseverance,determination, truthfulness, loyalty, etc. But suchqualities are not a reality in the other person. You canview this person differently. Choose to view that person inthis way. You'll be surprised at the result you'll get, justlike myself. Whenever my partner is not behaving or reactingin the way I (secretly) want to see and feel, I just remindmyself that I can view this person differently. He (She) hasnot changed. I have.
5) Understand that there are different types ofrelationships existing in this world. Your love for eachother could be similar to that of mother-child, or it couldmirror that of a brother-sister relationship. Whatever itis, if one party is too protective of the other person, andthe other person is not reciprocating appropriately,pressure will start to occur; misunderstanding would ensue.Consciously work on the balance in your relationship. Ifyour mate has been loving to you, show your love or showyour appreciation for him/her. If your partner is busy, keepyourself busy.
When your relationship problems start to overwhelm you, slowdown, take a deep, deep pause. Tell yourself there isanother way to live. It does exist. Thought elusive, it isalways there. You can be happy and clam always. Welcome theobstacles and problems in your relationship life. They willeventually awaken you to the very life you seek.
The understanding of your sadness and unhappiness will leadyou onto the path to true awakening. You cannot become happyby changing your exterior happenings. It is true. You cannotimprove your handwriting just by changing a new pen. Whentrying to solve your relationship or love problems, chooseto react to every situations constructively. It is useful toremember this. Take note of it. I pin it in front of me sothat I will always be reminded of the truth, each andeveryday "You feel good not because your relationship lifeis right; but your relationship life is right because youfeel good!"
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An Important Realization To Apply To Any Kinds of Human Relationships

An Important Realization To Apply To Any Kinds of Human RelationshipsBy Cucan Pemo
Have you always wondered why do kids resist their parents even though they have their interests at heart? This happens to me when I am young. I find that I am attracted towards my friends and buddies in schools than towards my mentors, teachers or even my parents.
I never really explored the reasons why, until recently, and this important realization can be applied to any kinds of human relationships. Years of being in a relationship with my partner has made me realized that more often than not, my reality is not HIS reality (the same goes to men). Conflicts, arguments, quarrrels, misunderstanding and disagreements often come about if neither party in a couple relationship understand this. Now, what can we do to understand, or even, to get into his/her reality?
Everyone of us, whether you are a man or woman, need to feel genuinely needed and understood. I find that I can create a better relationship with my mate just by creating a sense that he (she) is being understood, by echoing his thoughts back to him! Yes, you may disagree with your partner's beliefs and thoughts; but always remember this. His/Her reality is NOT your reality at times, many times! When my partner learn I think just like he does he feel validated and soon attraction and connection begin to develop.
Kids are very often attracted to particular groups of friends; and these are not just any kinds of friends. These are friends who truly understand them and accept them for who they are. They satisfied their most precious need, the need to feel validated and needed. If you realize your kids, or even your partner, has changed or transformed drastically in his lifestyle or even his character, loves to hang out with some particular groups of people, or even suddenly abandoning a particular way of life for another, the reason is often nothing more than the person finally felt being noticed and accepted for who he is.
This need is what made us feel normal, and human.
If you have problems making a connection with your partner, or even reading his/her mind, understand that you don't have to be a psychic for doing so. The secret is to learn the art of paying highly focused attention to the other person. This is the secret shared by many writers or speakers who often have to speak on stage to large groups of audience. They are able to create the sense that their audience is understood by echoing their thoughts back to them!
I once attended a seminar where the speaker shared with us his secret of success on stage and how he had been able to capture the attention of so many people quickly and certainly. He said, "Ask them what they want you to tell them; and tell them what they have told you!"
If you cannot get "into" their reality (and get this, it is not necessary to do so even though being able to do so is definitely an advantage to you), realize that nothing is more compelling to a person than having someone totally focused on and intently listening to them.
We can't resist the people who are really "into" us! We can't help it. What most of us want is to feel needed and validated!
Your tip for the day: People need to feel genuinely needed and understood.
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What He Wants Could Be What They All Want

What He Wants Could Be What They All WantBy Cucan Pemo
I had a heated argument with my partner the other day. He had to do an important presentation for his company the next day; but had delayed preparing and finishing up his presentation early until the day before the actual presentation.
Subsequently, he didn't do well for his presentation, and was criticized by his superior. He came back with a bad mood and when he gave me a call; there was anger, disappointment and frustration in his voice. He was shouting and wailing at the same time. We ended up having a heated argument over the phone. I felt that he deserved what he had gone through, since he was not capable of organizing himself and his schedule to finish up his report and presentation early. He was so mad at me that he didn't talk to me for over a week!
I was upset over this incident. It was not my intention to damage our relationship over such a small matter. It was then I realized I had violated one of the most important basic needs of any humans. Most, if not all, people need to be right. I had made him wrong for being so incapable by scolding him.
Over the past weekend, he called me again. It happened that he had some conflicts with one of his co-worker, who had been giving him some problems during work. As usual, he began to vent his frustrations over the phone. Having realized the mistake I had made previously, this time, instead of emphazing how his hot-temperedness and impatience must have provoked his co-worker, I stressed how sorry I was to hear about his bad day at work. There was an immediate change in his attitude; and he became a lot clamer during our short conversation.
I let him be right, which was what he wanted. He let me have a peaceful time with him, which is what I had wanted.
Your tip for the day: People need to be right.
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The Dilemma of Mr. Y - Perception IS Reality

The Dilemma of Mr. Y - Perception IS RealityBy Cucan Pemo
One of my male friends just fell out of relationship the past week. There was a third party involved and the girl he was involved with ran away with someone else. To make matter worse, this girl was involved with one of his co-workers at his workplace!
Being a hot tempered person by nature, naturally this friend of mine, let's call him Mr Y., was unhappy and angry about his situation. He called me and confided in me. He vowed to take revenge; and in his perception, taking revenge was easy for him, since both himself and the other guy work at the same place.
Shocked, I attempted to persuade him to keep his cool and review his circumstance. Taking revenge is definitely an unwise way to resolve issues!
He was as stubborn as a bull! And no matter how I tried to persuade him to change his mind about taking revenge and doing foolish things, he was determined to carry out his plan. I even got our common pals to try to talk him out of taking revenge and to help him to think clearly about his situation and to be aware of the the disastrous consequences he would be facing in undertaking such foolish actions.
All my pals had no luck either.
I changed my strategies.
I repeatedly pointed out to him that there was no benefit he could gain by undertaking unreasonable and foolish actions against the other guy.
I listed all the disadvantages of him taking unreasonable actions against his co-worker. He was clearly at a disadvantage. Whatever he was planning and going to do was not going to put him in a good light; and would only deepen the misunderstanding between himself and his girlfriend.
I tried to make him see the bigger picture of how his way of handling personal issues will affect his company and the people around him.
I even tried to "threaten" him pointing out to him the scenario that he would likely be kicked out of his workplace by his boss for disrupting the harmony in the company.
He turned a deaf ear to all my well-meaning advice.
I couldn't bear to see him fall into his own trap. Being an ardent student of human nature, one day, after some careful thoughts, I text him a message, saying, "If you can forgive and forget, you would be a stronger person, and you would be blessed in many, many ways!"
During that night, he gave me a call, saying that my message came to him just in time. He was about to confront his co-worker when he received my message.
That message striked a chord in him. He kept his cool and didn't carry out his plan for revenge.
You see, his perception IS reality.
He couldn't talk himself out of dropping his plan for revenge not because he didn't want to; he tried, but because he couldn't make himself feel good if he did so.
The strategies both myself and our pals were using previously had all been based on 'fear' and 'threat', trying to make him see the disadvantages of his actions, and how his actions could get himself into trouble, giving his other co-workers very bad impression, losing his job, losing his girlfriend, disrupting the harmony at his workplace, and such likes. All of these couldn't make him change his mind. Instead, it made him even more determined to carry out his 'revenge'.
So, what made him change his mind? The key lies in the sentence "you would be a stronger person".
Finally, he could see himself in a more positive light, and he managed to convince himself that he was, afterall, a stronger person by not taking any foolish or unreasonable actions against his co-worker.
And, how can this little episode relate to your own relationship circumstance?
Have you been wondering whether you should tell your mate that you have changed for the better?
Have you thought that you have done a lot and yet you are still not satisfied with your relationship circumstance or how your partner is behaving towards you?
Have you been using manipulative measures, 'fear' or 'threat' strategies, without even realizing it?
Have you thought that you have done your best and yet you wonder why your partner has not changed a single bit?
Remember this, your partner's or your spouse's perception IS Reality.
Their dissatisfaction (or satisfaction) with their relationship with you was related to their perception of how they were being treated by you - their mate.
Take note that I said their perception of how they were treated and not how they were treated. This is very important. It means that in some, maybe many of those cases, you may have worked very hard and thought that you have done your very best to treat your partner well, perhaps even actually treated them fairly.
However, what you did is not the issue. It is how your partner or spouse perceived what you did that counts.
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How To Hold The Keys To Your Partner's Heart and Mind

How To Hold The Keys To Your Partner's Heart and MindBy Cucan Pemo
Would you like to possess the power to be able to penetrate into your partner's thoughts and know exactly what he or she wants? Imagine having such jedi-like powers at your fingertips.
Well, you can! If you will learn how to hold the keys to your partner's heart and mind and make him yours forever.
Kenneth Goode is an outstanding figure in advertising and selling and I do recommend his books if you are interested to find out more about him and his teachings.
When I read about his eight insights about people, I can still remember that I'm beaming with excitement as this might hold the formula to understand what your partner will do.
Although Kenneth Goode is speaking to an audience that is supposedly to be interested in selling and advertising (to people), his wisdom and insights about people can help us to understand what people do the things they do, and of course "people" include yourself and your mate.
His eight insights about people are:
(1) Follow a habit until it hurts(2) Accept his beliefs ready-made and stick to them until the cows come home.(3) Follows his leaders, eyes shut, mouth open.(4) Work hard to establish superiority in the eyes of his equals.(5) Find his greatest interest in his own emotional kicks.(6) Yield to suggestion when properly flattered.(7) Love low prices and dislike economy.(8) Glorify the past and discount the future.
Think about how you can use Kenneth Goode's insights to influence your partner. Remember, you cannot change your partner into someone you like to see; you cannot force your another person to become that which you want him or her to become.
Here's an invaluable tip for you. If you are want to influence your partner; if you want to persuade him to do something or to see your point, don't say it out loud or even point it out to him. Try, instead, to make him think that that idea comes from his own.
Why? People always "accept his beliefs ready-made and stick to them until the cows come home".
Most people hate to be told what to do. Most people hate to know that their ideas are wrong. In fact, people hate it even more when you point it out to them.
So, if you want to attract a new mate, make it seem like he or she is the one who wants to be with you!
If you want to bring back a lost love, your first step is to make sure you don't make it seem like you want him or her back. Depending on your relationship or marriage circumstance, most people hate to be told that they should come back to your side. To them, it just spells more trouble.
Make yourself indispensable. If you have a hot temper, find ways to solve this problem. If you are too clingy, find the solutions to do away with your clingy-ness. If you know the mistakes you have done, correct them.
Your partner will find his or her way back to you all without your asking when they "know" that you are someone they would want to spend their life with afterall.
Kenneth Goode's insights have been very helpful to me so far. I now understand that there are certain things we cannot change about people, because that is the way people are! If you are always finding yourself eveloping in self-pity in a failing relationship, or if you are always finding yourself wanting your partner to behave in certain ways, I hope you understand these insights and apply them to your life and to your relationship because they can liberate you. Many times, it is not your fault afterall.
Wrtie these eight insights down and stick them on your desk where you can see them daily.
I will write more about how these insights can be applied to any types of relationship as and when I have more tips to share with you on this site.
Master these insights, and you can be well on your way to hold the keys to your partner's heart and mind; or rather, anyone's heart and mind.
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No B.S. Relevation From A Self-Confessed Commitment-Phobia Man

"No B.S. Relevation From A Self-Confessed Commitment-Phobia Man" By Cucan Pemo
I'm going to share with you a short email interview which I had conducted with a man who confessed he was a commitment-phobia. He wanted to know how he can go about restoring and renewing a loving relationship with his "former" lover.
During my initial interactions with him, I suddenly had the "inspiration" to do a short email interview with him in order to understand him and his situation better.
Since he was a self-proclaimed commitment-phobia, whatever he was feeling and going through could help many of our women readers understand the inner world and emotions of their men whom they think are commitment phobias.
I followed my "inner voice" to conduct a short interview with him via email and to my surprise he agreed graciously!
It turned out that this honest, sincere, no b.s. relevation from a man could give you some invaluable insights (whether you are a man or woman) about your own relationship!
NOTE: This is not an "example" or case study taken out from a textbook! This is an interview conducted with a real man and his sincere and truthful answers to my questions would be able to help us and a lot of people out there who ernestly seek to understand and know their committment-phobia partners and who are looking to make things work in their relationship!
Certain portions of the interview are edited to protect the privacy of this reader. Otherwise, his answers to the questions are ALL unedited, raw, and uncensored!
There are powerful lessons and insights to be learnt from just this interview alone even if your partner (man or woman) is not a commitment phobia ... so read on...
1) What do you think are the 3 most difficult issues youhave to face while in your relationship with your woman?
- keeping love alive and not getting too "comfortable"- merging families (issues with kids)- finances
2) What can your woman do / say to get you to commit to a long term relationship? What can your woman do or say to get you to agree to engagement?
Convince me that she is still in love with me, that she doesn't have the same feelings for the guy she is dating / dated ...that it was just a casual thing, and that she really and truly does want to commit to only me if I am willing to do the same.
3) If you sincerely, seriously want to reconcile with the love of your life, what can she do or say to make it happen for both of you?
I guess just say that she doesn't want to give up on our relationship ... that she feels, as I do, that we were meant to be together and that there is nothing that can sever the bond of love that we have for each other.
4) Would you be able to commit should your woman agree to return to your side? If "yes", what would you do? If "no", why not?
Yes, I am ready and willing to put away my phobia and ask her for a long-term committment / marriage if that is still what she wants more than anything.
5) What are the 3 most important things you would like your lost lover to know, should you have a chance to pour your heart out to her.
This is a tough one! I guess I would tell her that I still believe within my heart that we always were meant to be together... that I feel totally responsible for our break-up, that I unconsciously pushed her away ... and that I still love her more than anything in the world and want us to fully commit to one another.
3 Powerful lessons to take away from this interview... Let's call this reader Mr X.
1) Our perceptions of reality are often colored and it is YOU who choose what you want to see in your relationship or marriage! If you have a commitment-phobia partner who is driving you "mad", it is useful to understand that during the time or moment when you feel you have an issue with your partner, realize that both of you could possibly be viewing reality on a different level, or what they often say being on a different frequency. That being said, notice what Mr X. says in his first sentence -"I truly do still love my woman and believe that we are meant to be together..." If you are Mr X., don't give up. Show her through your actions that she is wanted!"
2) Everyone of us are always trying to be the best we can be and taking the actions which we feel are best for all. But, we often forget that the very actions we feel are understandable might not be clear to others. Understand that your partner could well be cracking their brains hard to make the relationship work; but with the limited resources they have they might not be doing a good job in your eyes or that they may not be able to do it the way you want it! Whatever actions you want to take, BE the solution instead of seeking solutions from outside of yourself!
3) If you feel that YOU are a carbon copy of Mr X, realize that you could make the same mistake that he has made. Whether you are a man or a woman, what you THINK about your partner is a "premise" upon which your relationship circumstances are built. Whatever frustrations you are experiencing in your relationship or your life, they are likely "proving" and reinforcing something which YOU have thought about! So, if you treasure your loved one, don't take him or her for granted!
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26 Reasons Why Relationships Fail And How To Know If You Are Having Unhealthy, Sad Relationships

26 Reasons Why Relationships Fail And How To Know If You Are Having Unhealthy, Sad Relationships By Cucan Pemo
Unhealthy, Sad Relationships have some general notable characteristics in common. Here are 26 basic guidelines for reference. They are not in order of importance.
Avoidance – Many people in unhealthy relationships simply avoid facing reality. There are many reasons for this. For instance, deep down inside, the people involved may be trying to make themselves appear superior. Or perhaps they don’t want to face the fact that their mates really aren’t who they say they are. For example, Person A might cover up and make excuses for his mate, Person B, who is always late coming home from work and almost always misses family functions. Person A could be trying to avoid reality and make up excuses to cover up an affair that Person B is involved in so that it doesn’t destroy their “perfect image” in everyone’s eyes. Or Person A could be avoiding the fact that Person B is a workaholic.
Burnout – Although many can carry out romance throughout their entire relationships, the actual honeymoon period does have to end, in reality. And those who can keep the “love” fires burning, not 24 / 7 but off and on regularly during their relationship, have better chances of healthier relationships than those who suffer burnout and don’t know where to turn or who turn to unhealthy solutions. In short, every relationship has its highs and lows. During the low times, like maybe when one person begins to feel disillusioned with marriage, or maybe trapped, tired, helpless, depressed or let down, if this person reaches out to unhealthy alternatives, like getting a fake substitution – maybe seeking another mate in secret, getting “high,” or some other negative behavior, once-healthy relationships can suffer. Instead, the couple needs to face issues together; add some new goals to the relationship, do some fun things together more, talk more, etc.
Compatibility Issues – Opposites attract; or do they? Sure it’s great to have some “spice” in your life. But relationships are about getting your needs met – at least on some level. And constant negativity can certainly hinder intimacy. So those who have a difficult time focusing on what attracted them to their mates in the first place can suffer unhealthy, sad relationships, constantly in conflict over issues with which they can’t agree. Check out the complete Love By Design System to find out if HE or SHE is the one for you today!
Devotional Void – A lack of commitment or ardent love can make for unhappy relationships. Being friends or roommates is one thing. Being committed, loving soul mates is another. Being “in love” 24/7 doesn’t necessarily have to be a requirement, but being in a “loving” committed relationship can make the difference.
Enthusiasm Dwindles – If you don’t add in some spice once in awhile, you can get the same old, same old. Couples caught up in routines can lose that spark of enthusiasm; i.e. zest of life in their relationships if they forget to be spontaneous once in awhile or forget to flavor their relationship with fun, adventure, romance.
Forgiveness Void – No one is perfect. Mistakes are a part of life. Those unwilling or unable to forgive, can pretty much count on having more unhealthy relationships over time. Relationships based or growing on anger, spite, disgust, resentment or other negative feelings associated with lack of forgiveness are like wilted flowers. They need tending to or they’ll die.
Guise - Simulated relationships or those under the guise of having a solid, happy relationship are not destined for success, on the whole. Or rather false is as false does, as Forest Gump might say. Pretending wears thin and doesn’t last long.
Harm – Harmful thoughts, words and actions can sure lead to unhealthy relationships. An occasional outbreak during a stressful moment might be considered normal like swearing; i.e. if someone hasn’t been raped, battered (or other sever trauma has occurred) by the other party. However, harmful, violent actions such as those and repeated verbal negativity is abusive and not healthy in relationships – or life.
Indulgence – Instant gratification or indulgence of unhealthy behaviors is a sign of trouble. Grabbing chocolate to satisfy a craving is one thing. Grabbing illicit drugs or another mate in secrecy is another. Yielding to unhealthy temptations and desires is a pathway to unhealthy relationships.
Just say yes – Not being able to draw boundaries or sustain limits is another possible path to sad relationships. For example, if one person in the relationship has a difficult time saying “Yes” and setting limits, his or her mate could always come in second, third or forth - - rarely first in the other person’s eyes and agenda. And while it’s fine to take a back seat once in awhile, people make time for priorities and in healthy relationships, both parties feel and share the value of being number one with one another.
Kick the Dog – Kicking the dog, not in a literal sense (although that would be negative, too!) is characteristic of unhealthy relationships. For example, if a person comes home angry and passes this anger on to the dog by kicking it, that is not a healthy release of anger. The unhealthier people are, the unhealthier they generally deal with stress. Help is available.
Lemons – Unhealthy relationships often have at least one party who can’t seem to make lemonade out of life’s lemons. Maybe he or she has the wrong recipe. Or maybe the person is a bad cook. But assistance is needed in this department!
Management Mania – Remember the “Odd Couple?” A super manager personality can ruin an otherwise healthy relationship. Likewise a super sloth can wreak one, too. A little give and take is called for.
“Neverland” – Ever heard something this in an argument, “You never….?” Well trips to Neverland are for Peter Pan. Skip the “always” and “nevers” in arguments and avoid unhealthy relationship issues. It’s rare that someone does or does not do something 100 percent of the time. Memories just seem to fail during opportunistic, stressful episodes sometimes (not always, though!)
Ominous – Bad or ominous feelings, an omen…a feeling deep inside that tells you something is wrong - this often accompanies unhealthy relationships.
Pressure – When one party pressures (or forces) the other to have sex, this is characteristic of an unhealthy relationship.
Questions – Part of communicating is asking and answering questions. If this process causes problems, i.e. even the simplest of questions arouses anger, suspicions, fighting, etc., this is a trait often found with unhealthy relationships. The party who has difficulty answering questions may be hiding something, dealing with control issues or dealing with substance abuse (or other).
Responds Inappropriately – Some characteristics of unhealthy relationships include playing head games, trying to humiliate, using threats, insults or jealousy. These inappropriate responses suggest unhealthy environment between the couple.
Silence – Silence isn’t always golden, as the saying goes. If one person shuns or ignores the other, outside of a solitary or very brief occurrence, this can reflect an unhealthy relationship.
Treatment – If healthcare treatments are being ignored or stopped without the help of a professional; for example, in the case of stopping anti-depressant medication after a severe (negative) episode (like suicide), this can signal an unhealthy relationship. People need to take care of themselves and not leave everything up to their mates in relationships.
Untidy / Unkempt – When one or both partners disregards physical appearance for the duration (long-term, not just for a weekend), this signals an unhealthy relationship. One or both could be abusing substances, for example, or suffering depression.
Verbal Abuse /Violate – When one or both partners use verbal abuse and / or violate or cause harm to the other’s person or personal property, things or friends, this can be a red flag for an unhealthy relationship. People should respect each other and each other’s property, things and friends. And verbal abuse is not appropriate.
Weapons – Threatening a partner with a weapon, even if it’s a household (or other) item used as a weapon is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
Xerox – A trait of an unhappy relationship can be when a person is copying another, failing to be himself or herself. Some personality disorders are also characterized by this trait that reportedly shows up in a number of unhealthy relationships. And help is available.
Youthful Outlook / Emotions – An energetic, youthful attitude toward life is one thing. Youthful expectations; i.e. outlook, and emotions can be characteristic of unhealthy partners. Growing couples need maturity as they grow together and face adult issues. Childish displays of anger, hostility, selfishness, etc., don’t have much place in healthy, growing partnerships.
Zero – Growing relationships need a foundation. Zero to grow on is difficult to multiply. Got to start somewhere!
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How To Draw Anyone To Your Side - Spellbinding Attraction Secrets You Wouldn't Want To Miss

"How To Draw Anyone To Your Side - Spellbinding Attraction Secrets You Wouldn't Want To Miss!"By Cucan Pemo
Before I begin, I would like to first point out that throughout this article I will be using "he" and "him", etc, rather than awkwardly saying "he or she" or using "he/she". So please understand I do not mean this as slight to women.
Many of my readers have often asked me, "How can I change my partner? What can I do to make him do things the way I want it? Or is it even possible?"
My question to you is, "Do you go into a relationship to change another person?"
Well, you have to take responsibility for the choice you have made if you do not like what you see today!
Truth is, you cannot change or force another person to behave in the ways you desire just by telling him or pointing out to him.
Most times than not, it doesn't work.
The secret here is, whatever it is you would like your partner to do - whether it is to do particular things, behave in particular ways, or think in the ways you want it - your partner has to see these ideas themselves as coming from themselves!
This is one of the secrets possessed by those cult leaders. How is it that they are able to influence their followers to do what they wish them to do so easily? Think about it. You can learn their secrets.
If you are trying to save your relationship, your partner has to see this idea of recouncilation and working and keeping this relationship as coming from themselves.
Very often, it doesn't work if YOU keep telling them to see your point, to work out something, to say something.
So, what can you do to possess that jedi-like magic to influence your partner? I call this positive motivation. Try not to tell your partner what to do. Stop making him see your point. It won't work. However, keep these points in mind:
(1) Become the person your partner wishes to become.
(2) Improve your-self FIRST. The changes you like to see on the outside will follow.
(3) Understand that most human beings naturally gravitated towards the person who possess a higher vibrational energy. Now, some of you might think this is too profound and metaphysical. It is not. Simply, just ask yourself who attracts you in your daily life and makes you think, "Gee, I wish I have his confidence / strength / power/ courage." Then, ask yourself what can YOU do to become such a person.
Just recently, I ran into one of my friends, the guy who is a bodybuilder. When he saw me, he pulled me to one side and confided in me.
He was running into big trouble. He told me. To cut a long story short, he ran into one of his ex-girlfriends the other day, one whom he had lost contact with for almost 2 years. She had a boyfriend now, but was currently having some disagreements and conflicts with him. Now, this friend of mine (let's call him Mr X.), was very concerned about her.
They met up for a chit-chat not long after they bumped into each other. Now, in case you are wondering, Mr X doesn't have any intention to get back into a relationship with her. However, being a good natured person, he still cares about her and treats her just like his other friends. It wasn't long before Mr X realized that the girl was contacting him more than 10 times a week! It was clear to him that she had a different intention, and was trying to get back into a relationship with him.
"Look, Cucan. I made it very clear to her that she was still my friend and she was not to expect anything from me. Besides, she had a boyfriend now. They were having some conflicts and misunderstanding. All I did was just spending some time to listen to her, to talk to her, and gave her a little help here and there, that was all, I did all these just as I would do for a friend. I didn't want to interfere with their affairs nor did I want to be seen as a third party. But, apparently she wanted something else and she was obviously trying to get close to me! I didn't ask for all these! Now, what am I supposed to do?"
I was enthused by his remarks. And this got me thinking. How was it that so many of my readers had a hard time making a connection with the love of their life or even failed times and times again trying to get the attention they are seeking from their partners; and yet, this friend of mine was getting all the (unwanted) attention without lifting a finger!
Some of you might have got it figured out. Naturally Mr X has a higher vibrational energy than the woman. This is one reason why his ex-girlfriend is attracted towards him.
There is another very important reason. And this is what I told him, "My friend, the more you tell her that she is not to expect anything from you, the more she'll find it difficult to drift away from you! The reason is this: people want what they cannot have! The more difficulty they have to getting something they want, they more they'll want it. Even during their sleep they'll think about it; it fills the whole of their consciousness so much so that they will conclude for themselves that this is definitely something they must have!"
Now, Mr X is such an understanding and caring man. Let me ask you. Who wouldn't like to be with a caring, understanding person? And he kept telling her: "Look, I can be there for you. But now you have a boyfriend. Don't expect anything from me. We are no longer in a relationship". And of course, Mr X wouldn't have any difficulty being alone with himself even if this girl was not around. It was no wonder the girl found herself irresistibly attracted towards him!
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How To Get HIM Or HER Interested

"How To Get HIM Or HER Interested"By Cucan Pemo
Do you wish his eyes be glued on you?
Let me tell you a story. It's a true story.
Just recently, I got interested in a guy. I'm not supposed to share this with anyone, including you, lest my partner gets to know about it. :)
However, being an avid student of human nature and inter-personal relationships, I could not help wondering, what is it (about him, or me?) that has made me attracted to him?
But, don't be mistaken. Until today, we are just very good friends. I still have my partner with me, so I wouldn't want to do anything that will break my relationship with him.
We have a common interest though. This is why we click together and always enjoy each other's company, with no expectation from each other.
He had gone through several failed relationships, and we had a talk about this one day over coffee at a cafe. He was hurt that the relationships he had with his ex-girlfriends didn't work out the way he wanted them to. However, that didn't destroy him; instead, in his own words, such experiences make him even stronger.
I realized that I admired his courage and strength to be able to pick himself up even after a heart-breaking experience. In fact, I was inspired by him.
"We had conflicts and disagreements. It didn't work out, everyone of them (his girlfriends) initiated the break-up. I didn't put in the effort to pursue and thus eventually we broke up. I was devastated then. But I'm not going to allow myself to be enveloped in self-pity and sorrow. I put all my attention, energy and focus on my passion, that is, bodybuilding. I realized that, whatever effort, time, money, and energy I had put into bodybuilding, it has all paid off handsomely. I could see the results I want to see. With relationship, it is so different. You cannot control the outcome; you cannot control the other person."
He is so right. You cannot control another person or how he will think and behave. You only have control of your-self, this indirectly implies the power you have in your hands. You CHOOSE whether your circumstance controls you or destroy you; else choose a more positive way of reacting and responding to your circumstances.
I didn't tell him this secret which I have been holding in my heart, that I enjoyed his accompany and going out with him, even training together with him at the gym whenever I can find the time to do it.
I asked myself what had made him seem attractive. The answers I got shocked me further.
(1) He inspired me with his insights about life and relationships. In short, he had what I had been seeking and searching - the answers to some of the tough questions about life and relationship.
(2) I found myself wanting to go out with him often. He was confident about his passion and what he was doing. He was independent, had a character, and was not affected by what others think about whether whatever he is doing is right or wrong. In short, he was of a higher vibrational energy than I.
I realize, and I have been sharing this secret with many of my readers - By becoming interested in MYSELF, my partner becomes more interested in me! If you think it is a paradox. IT is! Many relationship challenges and difficulties often start when one of the couples shift his or her center onto another person, and many people do this unknowingly! Understand that your center is HERE, right now, within you; it is your safe haven and most truthworthy antenna. You do NOT have to search for it in another person!
This is one secret which has worked wonders for those who are willing to take the time to chew on it.
Inspire your partner today!
However, don't stop here. Dale Carnegie has taught that "If you want people to become interested in you, you have to become genuinely interested in others!"
Become genuinely interested in YOUR-SELF!
Become genuinely interested in others!
Combine this two, and you might find yourself being swamped with so much attention, you'll have to crack your head to find your own private time.
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Just What Can A Jedi Master Teach You?

"Just What Can A Jedi Master Teach You?"
By Cucan Pemo
I just viewed George Lucas's final installment of his Stars Wars Trilogy - "Episode III: The Revenge of the Sith" and I loved his film. The "Force" as depicted in his film has often left me in awe; and I often likened the Jedi Masters in the Trilogy to the "Master" in "Message Of A Master".
You can define the "Force" in many different ways, depending on your culture, faith and beliefs. But it doesn't matter which definition you adhere to. The "Force" is being possessed by all of us, if we would learn how to harness it and use it for the benefit of ourselves and others.
In this Stars Wars story, Anakin Skywalker succumbed to the dark side fearing the loss of his wife Amidala after having a dream of her death. He proceeded to learn the dark arts in the hope of having the power to avert her death.
However, near the end of the story, we learned that Amidala did not just die from giving birth; she died because she gave up the will to live after learning that Anakin had changed into somone she did not even recognise.
Can you see how powerful our own thoughts are? Our thoughts often create our own reality - in life and in relationship.
Can you also see how powerful a being you are? You have the power to create your own life and relationship circumstances.
Yoda, the Jedi grandmaster has very good advice which is worth noting down. "Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the force. Mourn them, do not. Miss them, do not. Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed, that is... Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose... The fear of loss is a path to the dark side."
Indeed, fear, insecurity, jealousy, clinginess, attachment to your partner leads to even more problems in your relationship. That which you do not wish to see happening in your relationship WILL happen! - if you give in to your fear and insecurity. "The fear of loss is a path to the dark side"; and in the end you will lose everything.
So, if you think your partner is unfaithful, he (she) WILL be unfaithful. If you think that one day he (she) will leave you, then it WILL be so. If you believe he (she) will do things which you deem as undesirable, the he (she) WILL do it. It is all about self-fulliing prophecy. You will attract the life circumstance which will MATCH your beliefs.
A failing relationship or marriage often begins when we lose touch with our unique, individual true self and we fall into the illusion that we can find what we want and need from our partner. Try to catch yourself falling into this trap whenever you can! If you can, find all means and ways whereby you can re-discover "The Force" within your-self. Again, what is "The Force" really? Even George Lucas refuses to give it a fixed definition. You can learn to reconnect with "The Force" through various means and methods. Find one which suits you.
If you haven't done so, watch Stars Wars Trilogy - "Episode III: The Revenge of the Sith". It is not just about science fiction, folks. This film can teach you a lot about life and relationships in ways which you would never have imagined!
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Just What Can A Professional Salesman Teach You In Your Relationship

"Just What Can A Professional Salesman Teach You In Your Relationship"By Cucan Pemo
You may not know this, but do you know that whatever it isthat you hold a strong belief on - whether you realize it ornot, whether consciously or subconscoiusly - how yourenvironment will be, how people will react and respond toyou, will exactly be THAT which will support what YOUbelieve to be true?
As within, so without.
If you are always having conflicts, disagreements, andfights with the love of your life, and you keep wondering whyyou have to face such a difficult sitaution in your love life orrelationship, there is a reason for all these happening!
Do you know how your reality in life and in your relationshiplife comes about? They do not come about by chance! You see, you are the one who conducts the orchestra. You andyour partner are playing a piece of music together; and bothof you could have been playing the same piece of music together for so long that you never even realize it. The situationor circumstance in your relationship life comes about becauseyou have intend "your piece of music" to be that way. If youdo not change the way you play the music, the same circumstanceor situation in your relationship or marriage life will alwaysappear the same to you, since it matches your beliefs and vibration.The evidence and proofs (that YOU want to see) will start tospring up from everywhere around you, so that you'll feel thatit feels right things are the way they are right now.
De-hypnotize yourself now!
Here is the story of a salesman from "Zero Resistance Selling"and his story will open up your eyes and your mind to seeking acreative solution for yourself if you like to make a re-connectionwith your partner or spouse and make love work for you again.
Once a young salesman cornered a professional salesman after a seminar, to complain passionately about the executive he had to deal with at one of his key accounts.
"Everytime I go to him with a new product, a new idea, a better way of doing things," he said, "he instantly shoots it down or brushes me off. How am I ever goig to expand this account's value if I can't even get my ideas listened to? There's just no point even telling this guy about anything new."
I asked,"How do you usually approach this fellow with your ideas?" I listened as the salesman described when and how he went to this customer with new products or ideas. He described what he said and what the clientsaid.
"Does it always happen like that?" I inquired.
"Absolutely," the salesman said. "It's as if there wasa script and we each read out parts."
"It might as well be," I told him. "As long as you make the same first move, he is going to make the samesecond move. You and he are having the same chess matchover and over again. Because you are frustrated with this client, you keep approaching him exactly the sameway, just waiting for his unsatisfactory response. And you get it.
Let me tell you what a person with the habit ofoptimistic response might do.
First, he would STOP doing the same thing over and over.
Second, he would know two things in his heart: one, thatthis person can be reached, interested, opened up, eveninspired - because EVERY human being can be!
Third, he would keep trying different approaches untilone proved effective."
If whatever methods or approaches you are making is notworking for you to make that connection again, STOP usingthe same unproductive approaches over and over again.
Second, realise that EVERY human beings can be inspired andmotivated. Make the efforts to find out what motivates yourpartner or your spouse, NOW. Remember that what motivateshim/her years ago might not be the same as of TODAY. But onetruth about human nature stays the same throughoutcenturies. Everyone of us needs a little uplifting every nowand then.
Third, if that salesman comes up to me and all he wants totalk about is himself and how good his products are, I WILLstop listening. You see, I'm sick of listening to sales pitch.
Think about this, if all you want to do is to come up to meand talk about why YOU are needed by me and why YOU should be staying by my side, even "brainstorming" with me why I am wrong and why you are right, please go away.
Truth is, I'm sick of listening to the same old things over and over again. Do you have anything better andmore refreshing to do and say THAT WILL UPLIFT MY SPIRIT?
Apply these insights into your life and your relationship, and I can assure you, you can be on your way making relationshipand love work for you again.
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